Thanks to you we have had a really encouraging start to our second period of stewardship of The Walls. There is much to tell both on the staff and fabric of the building fronts. In fact we've been so busy that this is the 6th edition and we've not got to print yet!
WATERS FLUSHED WITH SUCCESS
A most spectacular achievement was Alison Waters, our Front-of-House Manageress completing the London Marathon in a time of 4 hours and 24 minutes! This was Alison's first marathon and a huge collective thank you goes to all the very many generous benefactors who helped Alison raise over £2,000 for Children with Leukaemia, a most worthy cause. Will any pledges still to pay, please do so.
MR. PASTRY
Also on the staff front,I'm thrilled to announce the return of Richie Woods, King of Puddings!
Richie was our pastry chef for almost two years before shuffling off to the Navigation Inn, in Maesbury where he enjoyed success as head chef...I think he felt sorry for me, now I'm getting old and has rejoined our kitchen brigade to not only do extraordinary and mostly legal things with sugar and chocolate, but also to help Simon and I cope with our advancing years.
NEW SUMMER A LA CARTE MENU
This leads me nicely into announcing our new summer a la carte menu. With a beefed up brigade and lots of excellent ideas adapted, stolen or plagiarised from a variety of top level sources such as Nigel Slater, two Fat Ladies (and my own particular favourite), the particularly intriguing Nigella Lawson, we are thrilled to thrust these latest offerings at you.
We have also listened to your requests for a less bewildering array of menu choices and reduced the number of bits of paper handed to you when you arrive.
HOT WEATHER WARNING AND COOL NEWS
It seems having had one of the longest winters on record that we are experiencing something akin to summer. When it's really hot outside its nearly always cool in The Walls and this year following the change in licensing legislation you are now able to come and have just a drink without eating, inside or out.
Already our Stonehenge alfresco dining area has been removed and replaced with directors chairs, new lighting, more conventional tables and new plants.
Do come and enjoy Kate's "Hanging Gardens of The Walls" by sitting outside for coffee, lunch or one of ournewly available teas.
Starting on 20th June you will also be able to enjoy the best cream teas ever, cake of the moment, ice creams, etc.
Traditional Cream Teas (homemade scones, raspberry jam, clotted cream and cup of tea: £4.00
Chocolate Brownies to die for: £1.50
Scholler Ice Cream: £3.50
SURVEY RESULTS
Our most sincere thanks go to all who took the trouble to reply to our own half-hearted navel gazing exercise when we asked you to criticise our operation.
The results were truly gratifying with the overwhelming majority of you having great trouble thinking of things that we did not do well!
To sum up the negatives, of which there were a few common threads, it is apparent that a lot of you are not aware of the range of menus and services that we offer and that some felt that our wine is over-priced.
On that front, in 1993 when we opened, our house wine was £10.00 a bottle. Today over 13 years later, it is a mere £11.00, an increase of less than 1% per annum.
Restaurant wine markups are always a contentious subject.By way of explanation rather than a defence, if the wines were cheaper then the food would be more expensive. To run the business we need a certain return and our current pricing gives us that figure.
As you move through our wine list it is fair to say that the higher cost wines are not charged at the same profit margins as our house wines or high volume lines.
I take note of other comparable establishments and I do not think that on balance we are particularly expensive. If you really think we are then perhaps you need a few more trips to Manchester or Chester!(See comments later on).
Other negatives related to draughts, hard chairs and being situated too far from responder's homes all of which we plead guilty to and we are addressing all issues that are within our powers to alter, bit by bit.
REVAMPED CARVERY
Some of the more resilient of you will remember our original Sunday carvery arrangement with its great sardine tin in the sky and the sizzling griddles. This was superseded in our absence by the Dinner Ladies stainless steel chariot being ceremonially wheeled out. We have replaced the municipal contraption with a much more characterful and practical arrangement.
It has only one drawback, according to Mr Leadbetter,(a most forthright Lancastrian given to supporting us),in that you now get a much better view of me! In spite of this, he still seems to be able to stomach his lunch soon after collecting it. They're made of strong stuff up there!
Some of you may have been aware over the past many months of a rather Mediterranean odour in The Walls not anymore! After major investigation by Kate, which involved ripping up the entire bar floor, the offending leak (not the usual piano-playing one) was discovered and fixed and the air is sweet once more. The spin-off of such a major upheaval was that we have redesigned and totally revamped the bar which really is worth a look.
LEAKY SHOWCASE
Once again the reprobate kept things together by the skin of his teeth and provided us with a magnificent evening! It gets increasingly difficult to think of anything meaningful to say about these nights save that, as ever, the audience and I were amazed at the variety, quality and overall charm of the event.
This is no second-rate, two-bit talent contest but a real shop window for exceptional talent. The next one is likely to be just after the school holidays i.e. early September. Any interested would-be superstars should contact Mr. Leake directly.
Announced on that evening was a most extraordinary physical endeavour by the ever-surprising Mr Leake. Apparently apart from losing obscene amounts of weight, during the summer he and a close friend are going to attempt to navigate most of the river Severn in a fibre glass kayak in September!
You are probably as incredulous as I was but it gets worse, I have seen the kayak; it lies with a foot of water in it directly outside Mr Leake's house (at least that proves it is watertight), so it appears that this is no idle late night fantasy and that currently tenders are being sought for the contract of fitting out the craft with a watertight Benson and Hedges container, wine fridge and a Bells whisky opyic. For details of how to wonder at and support this "2 Men and a Kayak" adventure, watch this space!
THE PIANIST ABUSE COMPETITION
What a minefield this turned out to be!
It was supposed to be little lighthearted exercise in wordsmithery and variously ended up with me being cast as public enemy number one, for even suggesting such a piece of supposedly harmless fun! For the record, I am and have been a long time supporter, mentor and employer of A. Leake Esq. and I promise you he gives as good as he gets and we still like each other.There were many spectacular suggestions for the act of verbally abusing ones pianist, but after much deliberation a consensus decided that the outrightwinner (and soon to be a proud owner of an excellent bottle of champagne) are Mr & Mrs Roberts who came up with Maestrobating
Other suggestions included:
Pickling the Ivories
Merlot Man
Leak Proof
Plinker plonker
Andykapped
OrganGrinder
Leaking It!
SAD, DEAF, OLD, BITTER, TWISTED AND SKINT ~ WHAT MOI?
I'm sure most of this is all my fault and it's in a large part due to omy rapid decline into G.O.M.- grumpy old manhood.
As a birthday present for my significant other of longstanding and suffering, I purchased two tickets to see guitar legend Carlos Santana in Manchester. The prologue to the story is that we recently booked and had performing, a fantastic night of high-octane music with the boogie-woogie piano virtuoso and massively charismatic Mike Sanchez and his band at The Walls.We had several baskets of kittens in deciding that the ticket price for the evening (including an excellent three course dinner) needed to be £47.50 per person to stand a realistic chance of us covering our cost.
T
The upshot of the event was that it was a success on all fronts but there was much nail-biting and extra promotion to sell the evening and much in the way of a sharp intake of breath when we quoted our price!
And so back to Manchester and Carlos! Firstly there were the tickets; just shy of £50.00 each - and we were seated up in the gods at the MEN with ragingv ertigo; thec arpark was £21.00; the view, well I am almost certain that we saw Carlos Santana, but in truth they could have put Madrid's air guitar champion on stage with a funny hat, played taped music and we would have not been much the wiser.
And the noise, my God it was so loud Kate sat for the whole concert with tissues in her ears and as a result probably survived a little better than me! The sound quality was superb but when it gets to the stage that you are relieved when songs you really like are finished, then it really is too loud.
So where is all this soapboxing going? I've long thought and understood that its most difficult to appreciate things on your doorstep (I'm no better ~ it took me 8 years to go to see Chirk Castle)but in comparison, had you been to both of the events mentioned in this, then the shakedown would look like this:
Manchester to see world legend Carlos Santana, 12 hours of your life, no change out of over £250.00, tinnitus, sleep deprivation and a poor view of Madrid's Air Guitar Champion.
Or a really close view of exceptionally talented Mike Sanchez and band, great dinner, dancing and show, no car park charges, no bleeding ears and change from £130.00.
It's just me being old and sad, isn't it?
WHAT'S COMING UP...
LISA MILLS
Following on from my last chapter of ranting, I am going to take my life in my hands and announce the triumphant return of one of America's finest songstresses ~ is there such a word?
Do I drag out the hyperbole and all the overworked and over-tired phases in an attempt to persuade you not to miss this one? I think not.
Her music is blues, rock & roll and you can listen to samples on her web site www.lisamills.com.
She is a fabulous singer-songwriter, has great stage presence and sings with power, conviction and passion, accompanying herself on guitar or with a double bass player of equal talent.
Intimate dinner format, great views of artist (even from the back). July 14th sees her triumphant return.
Dinner and show £25.00.
HOLIDAY COTTAGE
Recently added to our much-improved web-site, www.the-walls.co.uk, is information and pictures of our holiday cottage situated around a mile from The Walls.
The Courtyard Cottage is a spectacularly comfortable bolthole with 2 large bedrooms each with both superking-size or twin beds and a bathroom. All the usual gizmos that today's discerning traveller expects are also provided.
So if you're short of space at home for visiting relatives or just need somewhere for some of your wedding guests to stay, etc. our Courtyard Cottage may be a solution for you.
OSWESTRY SHOW
Saturday, August 5th
In an attempt to recapture our 100% success rate, this year, after an absence of six years, we are going to have a stand at the Oswestry show.
The 100% bit relates to the fact that we won best non-agricultural trade stand every year that we exhibited at the show. It will be a very tough task to pull it off again. Please come and visit us!
THE WALLS EXAM NIGHTS
Launching when term starts in early September, we are now actively seeking teams of four to enter a series of winter exams (mainly general knowledge) to be held every 2nd Monday throughout those dark winter weeks.
Teams will be competing for the highly prestigious "Humpty Dumpty cup" and the massive annual cash prize of £400. An added incentive is that each week's winning team gets their post-quiz two-course supper and a glass of wine FREE!
Teams pay £60 per exam night to cover the two-course supper and wine. Each exam will feature a food and drink section and teams will be encouraged to give themselves names.More details nearer the time.
OLD FAITHFUL FAVOURITES AND FULL CIRCLES TURNING
In an entirely new departure we are, for the very first time EVER, including a piece in The Walls Street Journal written by someone other than me or Kate.Obviously to gain inclusion it had to be some glorious sycophantic praise-ridden monologue of real quality.The author Peter Ashley, is not only a particularly fine human being, but a journalist and writer of some note and by some complete fluke he and his wife, Joyce, are Kate's almost-godparents . I firmly believe that Peter must have modelled his writing style on mine; he's not bad, is he? Anyway, he did ask to write something and I said yes. Thank you, Peter.
Some 12½ years ago, my wife and I battled through 200 miles of traffic and, to complete our endurance test, a heavy snowstorm, to attend the opening night of The Walls.
Having followed with pride and awe the efforts of our two friends, Kate and Geoff, as they transformed a forlorn, abandoned school building into a most attractive, welcoming restaurant, we were determined to be first in the visitors' book. This we achieved with the help of minor skulduggery by leap-frogging the names of other intrepid, but local, diners.
The Walls has been a favourite haunt ever since (though not as frequent as we would like), and we are thrilled that after the many traumas and dramas which plague new business, usually involving hard-nosed bankers obsessed by such mundane concepts as "the bottom line" ( my own usually off the page), the lively, hard-working and imaginative couple are once again in full control of their creation.
Having a daughter who owns and runs a "gastro-pub", I, of course know it all. However, even someone as opinionated as I am has refined from advising K&G. They are, as their very many customers will appreciate, always one step ahead of the game. As their Walls Street Journal (now, there's a good idea) shows all too clearly. Regretfully, my offer to do a George Melly was rejected by Geoff, though he did remark that while my act might be shorter on talent, it could be easier on the booze. However, if you spot an ageing rocker miming in a corner by the piano, it'll be hopefully me. Incidentally, how/why does talented Andy Leake put up with so much cheerful abuse?
I asked Geoff last visit if I could write something for the Journal. He responded, "write what you like". Well, what I like is The Walls. It is one of the best, friendliest, original, good-food restaurants and a credit to the owners. Long may they feed and entertain the good folk of Oswestry and further afield. They deserve every success!
