14th February ~ £30 per person

The annual opportunity to curry some tangible favour with your current squeeze is, this year, on a Tuesday.

Having tried a variety of musical distractions in the last few years, this years vote / short straw has gone to Mort, a guitarist of some note and an experienced police dog handler and trainer. I’m reasonably confident that he’ll only need to stick to his guitar talents that evening. “Down Shep!”

Several of you have said that they’d appreciate some new jokes / innuendo incorporating into the menu. It’s a reasonable request and I’ve given it a go. (I’m sorry if some of you find it even more tasteless than past offerings – the food, at least, will be far from tasteless!). Demand is always huge and we will need a credit card number to secure your booking.

Foreplay: Creme du Barry Cauliflower soup with a hint of nutmeg in honour of Madame du Barry, famous lover... of cauliflower! Porn Cocktail The absolute classic makes a return, with juicy prawns & iceberg lettuce & pink goo Chicken Lover Parfait With hot toast & chutney A Very Fine Tart Indeed Goats cheese, red onion marmalade & a bit of Rosemary – perhaps she’s the tart?

The Main Event: Do You Duck On A First Date? Confit of duck leg with pink roast duck breast, white beans & sage gravy ‘Salmon Enchanted Evening’ (say it quickly and you’ll get it) Peppered salmon fillet with rose wine & lime froth My Sweet Little lamb (Ewe to me are everything) Amazing pink lamb loin, herb crust & herb jelly Lust Risotto Cakes Sun-dried tomato, Feta, spinach & pine nuts with Parmesan shavings

The Sticky Bit: Yet another Tart! You can never have enough of them. Rich dark chocolate with white chocolate sauce Spotted Dick & Custard You need to get that seen to PDQ (Clinic number 01691 446969) Eaten Mess A Captain Pugwash recipe - you’ll need the ‘Wet wipes’